Since the day she was placed into my arms in China, we have never been separated for longer than a work day…. 8-10 hours at most.
I have butterflies in my stomach and a lump in my throat knowing that I will not be here for her every morning when she wakes up, each night when she goes to bed, and all the moments in between.
About 10 days ago I started getting really nervous about leaving. I even had a conversation with my boss where I hinted that I was not ready to leave her. He is a family man and he gets it. He told me the decision was mine and if I wanted to cancel the trip, I could. But in the next breath, he told me that with the direction I was headed with the company he thought it would be a good experience for me to go and if I wanted to cut the trip short by a day or two, that would be fine too.
Working in a predominantly male industry, I knew I had to make an attempt. My boss has been so good to me and to my family over the years, I had to do this. I know he would never hold it against me, but I just would not want it hanging over my head that I bailed at the last minute or that I could not really do all that my job description entails…..like travel a few times a year.
Ultimately, I think Reagan will be fine…..at least that is what I keep telling myself. I know she is in good hands her with her Daddy, Brother, and Sister. Her daily routine will not change at all…….the only thing that will be missing is me:(
My biggest fear is that she will reject me when I come home because I left her….and I pray that is not the case, but I would be lying if I said it wasn’t a concern. I know….how selfish of me.
She has done amazingly well the last 7 months and I would hate to see something like this set her back, but I guess we will never know unless we give it a try. If things get bad, I will change my flight and make my way home early. We also plan to skype each day so that we can all see each other. Hoping that this will be a help for everyone involved!
The Mommy guilt is kicking into high gear…….
I am leaving my family to go Las Vegas for our industry’s annual convention.
In between meetings, I will be living in the lap of luxury at the Wynn hotel while Pat is here holding down the fort for the next five days. Doesn’t seem fair, does it? I wish they could all come with me!
If you are the praying type, you might want to say a prayer or two for Pat.
The darling duo can be a handful from time to time! He will definitely have his work cut out for him…..and I am going to owe him big time when I get back home. He already has a day of golf planned for Saturday, but I think I he is going to need more than a round of golf to unwind after 5 days of flying solo.
Thank you honey…..you are the BEST and I LOVE YOU!